Saturday, May 23, 2009


One thing I love about having all of the ws family blogs is knowing that we've all got such a connection. Nancy recently wrote a post that I could immediately connect with. (check it out here). I remember as a new mom going thru the exact same things Nancy went thru and being so incredibly exhausted and wondering why in the world I just wasn't cutting it as a mom. Our lives are so much better now because of Payton's ability to communicate....although we still have some really BAD days, I would not ever want to go back to the dark days we used to have.

Payton's summer has started out well. We tried t-ball, but have already quit. The anxiety she had before the game and actually just being able to process it all once she got there was too much for her. She said she just wants to play at home. And, that's fine with me. I have to remind myself a lot that her brain processes things so differently. While Bob, Koen and I might process everything at once, Payton is apt to try to process it all night and into the next day. I'm hoping when she gets older when can find something she's interested in special olympics.

Prolapse seems to be be Payton's biggest issue right now. Unfortunately I pretty much can't leave her alone right now because she loves to run to the bathroom and try to pull out the prolapse - which is hard to see her doing and difficult to make her understand how yucky it is. We went to a family get together this weekend and while everyone spent most of their time outside, Payton and I spent our time inside. She still prefers to do things by herself most of the time and doesn't really enjoy playing much. She just likes to do her own thing. Therefore, I just stay inside with her because I know what she's capable of if left alone for more than a few seconds :) Sometimes I wonder why Payton and I even go when we're spending a majority of the time in a different area than everyone else, but I have to consider it an improvement because in the past we usually didn't even attempt to go because she couldn't handle it. She can now, and that feels really good.

Koen just started another antibiotic for his ears and we are on a countdown to get his tubes put back in. It'll be nice for him to get that done. He gets pretty fussy but I really can't complain. Considering how he feels, he's still a pretty darn good little boy. He cracks me up because Payton has recently started having me cut every tag out of all of her clothings. She HATES tags (this is a new aversion) and guess who else immediately grabs his tag when I put his shirt on. Yep - you guessed it! Koen. He grabs a hold of the tag and says "ow, ow, ow" until we cut it out. I love how he watches her and wants to be like her. (don't like it with the meltdowns and tantrums....but I do believe we are getting that under control with him - even at the age of two I think he is able to see that she just can't control it). When we leave some where and she has to say goodbye to someone and is ofcourse screaming and crying, he just sits in the car and looks at me, like "here she goes again". I love that little man and already feel like I'm sensing some compassion in him. Oh, how I pray he has compassion.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


The first night....not so great. But, we're sticking with it. The first twenty minutes she was very very upset...crying pretty hard (and for those who know her, LOUD!). Her teammates were patting her on the back and encouraging her, which is so cute when they're five and six years old :) She got calmed down and spent the next 20 minutes sitting in the bleachers just watching the game. Bob and I get tickled because everyone seems to know Payton and most of them we don't know....we just laugh and say "who was that?" and thankfully they were all rooting for her. Becuase of all the encouragement and attention, she put herself out on the field for the last twenty minutes and hung in there! Now, you never know where you may see her (for instance, she likes to just walk up to the batters and tell them 'hello' instead of staying out in the field to try and catch the ball) and she also likes to just walk up to her teammates in the field and strike up a she's all over the place. It really felt good to hear everyone encouraging her and cheering her on when she finally got out there. I think everyone was proud of her - and I think the next game, she might just start out playing with no meltdown. If not, that's ok. She did it, and that's all I can ask for.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Really good weekend

We had a really good weekend. The weather couldn't have been nicer and the kids played so well together on Saturday evening. Typically the kids don't play together - Koen enjoys toys and Payton really doesn't 'play'. So, to see them running and laughing and playing together really did our hearts good! There's nothing better than hearing children laugh.

I recently made my blog private, for a couple of reasons. One reason was because I use this blog as an outlet and if there's ever a time I feel the need to vent about anything going on at the school, I wanted to be free to do that and not take the chance of someone from the school system reading it and then taking it out on Payton or being frustrated with Bob and I. The other reason was because after seeing and reading several things on pedophiles and trying to go with the 'expert' advice, I didn't want my children's pictures to possibly be open to just anyone, but because some family and friends were having trouble getting logged in I've made it public again. I definitely want our family and friends to be able to read the blog because I think it helps them understand Payton more and keep up with everything that is going on with the kids.....

Payton has her first t-ball game tonight and she seems to be excited about it. The practices haven't gone the best, a lot of the time she ends up just sitting with me and I'm okay with that. My guess is she will do differently in the game because as she says "people will clap for me!" and she enjoys people cheering her on. We're excited to see how she does but certainly do not have our hopes up.

Wednesday I take her back to the nephrologist in KC and am actually looking forward to this appointment. I'm sure she will not cooperate with them, but it's been over a month since we've seen this doctor and it will be nice to get some more information from him instead of just talking to the nurse over the phone (who can not for the life of her keep Payton and Abi straight!).

Koen just got off of his antibiotic and right now we're just floating thru til he gets his tubes fixed in June. They've switched his allergy/asthma medicine and I can see a difference in him. I feel bad/guilty saying it, but I find it so much easier to deal with his allergies and asthma than I do all of Payton's issues. I feel so blessed to have him healthy and happy - and running around like a mad man. He is so much fun and really very easy going. He LOVES being outside and playing with anything that involves a ball. Actually, he sleeps with two baseballs at night (one in each hand). And, if he wakes up, he darn better be able to find them or he's not a happy camper. I love it! It's kind of crazy because I feel like I've had two 'first' children....Payton was my first child, obviously, but now Koen feels like a first child because I am seeing what it's like to raise a typical child. It is absolutely nothing short of amazing. He understands what I'm saying (sometimes even better than Payton)! Although there is a three year age difference, the gap is shrinking very quickly and many times Bob and I feel like we have twins (except that we feel Koen has surpassed Payton with his ability to control his emotions, Payton can still cry for hours and many times if she is disciplined, the day is pretty much shot - which stinks!). It's a work in process, and a tough one at that.

Sleep has been incredible this past week. Payton even slept two nights straight thru (woah!) and Koen does amazingly well when he doesn't have his ear infections. Bob and my frame of mind changes so much when we get a good night's sleep. It's amazing what it does for our family. I pray these restful nights continue and thank God for sleep. For so long I was afraid to go to sleep because I really was afraid that I would not wake up (we were so sleep deprived it felt like we were going to die!) but this week that has not been the case. What a blessing!!!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Beautiful Post

Please read the post Louie's mom just put on her blog. AMAZING.
Click Here

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Payton's preschool graduation

Payton's graduation went great! I'll have a video to put on here later, but for now I've got a couple of pics. She was the usual ham and had a great time. She can really put on a show when it comes to music - she gets so excited she can't contain herself. I love it!

I got so tickled at her because when they announced what each child wanted to be when they grow up, the typical answer was "a ballerina" or "a vet" or "a fireman"....but not Payton! As would be typical ws, she told a story :) She wants to be a fireman who rides in the truck, sprays water out of the house, and helps people in the fire". Let me be the first to say I was shocked at how descriptive she was.....and wondering where in the world she got the idea of a fireman. Must be the obsession with the fire alarm or something. Anyways, I'm so proud of how well she did with all the people there. She's such a joy to watch.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Transition Meeting

Today was our transition meeting for sending Payton on to kindergarten. There wasn't really any suprises and I really think Payton is going to enjoy kindergarten. It's already very apparent to the therapists and her teachers that noises are Payton's biggest enemy - what she's most afraid of, what keeps her so easily distracted, etc. They've taken notes and are going to watch her carefully in the lunch room, restroom, hallways, etc - anywhere there is extra noise. Everyone has figured out that once she has an issue with a noise (sees a vacuum cleaner, etc) the day is pretty much shot because she won't be able to think about anything else. Although I hate it for Payton, it is nice to know that she's not just doing it to me....cause like Bob says - sometimes it feels like people just don't believe us.

I feel nervous and excited all rolled into one. It's three months away, but I still worry about the little things. But, being the social bug that she is - she will LOVE being with everyone. The thing that shocked me the most is that her teacher said it is not unusual for Payton to hit other children (which, I understand most kids do go thru a phase of hitting.....Payton's just never stopped). They said she's never hit a teacher (thankfully - because she can sure smack me when she gets mad), but she will hit other students when they have something she wants or they get in her way. I think that's where the inability to control herself comes in. She knows better, but really can't stop herself.

Another thing the therapists mentioned is how often Payton goes to the bathroom. They wanted her kindergarten teacher to know that while she may ask every 10 minutes to go to the bathroom, she actually does have to go. She's not trying to get out of doing something. Which, again, I'm thankful they pass the information on because I can see how it would look like she's trying to just leave the classroom for a break.

Anyways, to make a long story short, after meeting with the special ed teacher, the secretary, and the principal, I feel good about her starting school. Tomorrow evening is preschool graduation. Payton cannot wait because everyone is going to clap for her! She was up from 12am-5am this morning talking about it (a little bit obsessive, heh?) but I can take that any day over crying. So-I'm just going to be excited with her! I'll be sure and post some pics!