Thursday, May 22, 2008

It's so hard to say Goodbye.....

I don't think I can find a better picture than this. This is Payton with her great-grandma Betty....taken on Mother's Day.

The past week or so has been pretty rough. I'm not sure if this is typical ws behavior or not, but Payton has a terrible time with goodbyes. And when I say tough time with goodbyes, I'm meaning drop to the floor, kick, scream, throw things, break things, bite, hit (you get the picture) for 30-45 minutes. This can be either when someone leaves our home or we leave someone else's home. It's making life extremely difficult and it really does exhaust her (and the rest of us in the immediate family). Part of me feels sorry for her in the fact that she seems completely unable to control her emotions - but the other half of me realizes that this behavior is completely unacceptable and we need to get her to the point where she no longer does this. But, when she gets mad - whew - the rage is on. My sister and I were laughing last night because my 2 yr old niece can even see it in Payton's eyes when she gets on the verge of getting angry....she runs from her. Now, I realize it's not funny at all...she really could actually hurt someone. I have several bite marks and bruises from her episode yesterday. It seems heartbreaking for her when she is left behind or has to leave. And, hearing her scream "Don't leave me!" is enough to bring me to tears. Even after giving Payton several notices that she's going to have to leave she still gets extremely upset.
Our little angel can go from a sweet little princess to a raging monster at the drop of a hat. Yesterday Bob picked her up from Dawn's and was bringing her home. He drove past a gas station and Payton evidently thought she saw my or her gma's vehicle (she was so upset Bob couldn't even understand who's car she thought she saw). There's ofcourse no reasoning with her - and you can try til your blue in the face to tell her mommy is at home, it wasn't mommy's car, etc - she's already shaking the car with her anger and screaming at the top of her lungs. When they pulled in the garage I could already hear Payton screaming. Bob was trying to get ahold of her (she was too busy thrashing around, kicking screaming) and there sits my little man Koen in his seat just watching Dora and ignoring the entire situation (Thank you, God, for such an easy going little boy).
Unfortunately, the week has brought us down and we are hoping and praying for a peaceful weekend. I keep telling myself this is going to get better - and please tell me it will. Will she get to the point of understanding what I'm telling her? Will she get to the point she is able to control her emotions - or be calmed down? It's not that we feel like our life has been taken away....but it would be wonderful to feel like we could actually go and do things, travel, get out of routine, be with people for a few hours and actually be able to say 'goodbye' and not have a huge tantrum come out of it.


Julie said...

You and your husband sound like you are very mild mannered people. I am generally the same way unless you REALLY push me. I am totally non-confrontational and would love for everything to be peaceful. I hate when people argue, etc. I think you get what I am saying. I always had a hard time when Amber acted like that and although Grace has never gotten physical she throws a tantrum like no one I have ever met. I hate it. It gets me so stressed. It doesn't phase Scott at all. We are just different like that. What I am getting at is I can totally relate to you not being able to go and do certain things for fear of an ubruption. Grace doesn't have WS but once she has gone over the edge there is know pulling her back. It has definitely shortened an outing or two. She has definitely gotten better with age and I will pray that Payton does the same.

Michelle said...

That is such a sweet picture! It's hard to imagine all that anger coming out of a cute little face like that! I wish I had some advice for you, but I haven't been through something like that before. I hope it does get easier!

Heather said...

Well I'm sure you could have guessed how my reply would go! :)
Sounds really, really, really familiar. Goodbyes are hard. Especiallly when they feel that they haven't quite 'filled up' yet. Do you know what I mean? It's hard to explain. I think for Caleb, he would always expect more from a situation, then when it ended before his expectation was fulfilled, he would go into meltdown mode. Between 3 and 6 probably, we left every single visit, outing, etc... with a little, screaming, kicking, raging boy over our shoulder. It has gotten easier with age. It is easier to reason with him now and for him to understand our pre-warning when it is soon time to leave. Transitions were very tough for him as a little kid. I was told to always, always let them know a few minutes ahead of a change. I started out telling him like 10 minutes before the change, and then reminding him about 5 times. Now, I usually have to say it once or twice. He prepares himself, and we are good to go. Oh, my thinking back... What a nightmare!
Good luck, it will get better, i just can't say when.

Every minute counts.... said...

Abi still does this but the times that it happens are fewer in number. However my totally typical almost 4yr old niece does the same stuff you are talking about Payton doing in this post. She will scream,kick,bite and there is no calming her down and no reasoning with her. (I thought maybe that would make you feel a little better) It does get better with their ability to understand. Maybe a picture schedule at family/friends that has two or three pictures...the final one being getting in the car to go home? It might work, it helped Abi a ton until she started to understand a little better about leaving and saying good-bye.


Amy said...

Tara, I will get better because you keep searching for ways to help her. It might not happen right away, but keep up the faith! I see little temper tantrums from Avery and worry they will get more extreme as she gets older, I keep holding my breath!

Penny said...


Maybe you can reach out to Tyler's mom, Kelly to see if she has any sugestions about how to help with the goodbye's. She reallt has a lot of good tips and tools for things like this. She has helped me a lot.

On another note, that picture is priceless. I love the pigtails!

Nancy said...

Oh, sheesh, Tara, you and Bob are going through so much.

Erik has leveled out a bit but we are going through some of this daily, too. He just looks EVIL when he does things sometimes, and it makes me feel as if I am not doing something right. After all, my little brother and I would never have dared to act that way. However, there is more than meets the eye here with the way they are wired. I'm sure of it.

Hang in there. Part of the reason I check on you so often is that we are beginning to face some of the same challenges, and it is nice to know I'm not alone. Thanks for that.

My Little Superhero said...

Sweet picture!

Tes & John said...

It will get better, most important you and Bob need to be on the same page on how to deal with it. Many a times I have had to shoot a look at my hubby when he deviates from my quick and dirty temper squash. I take both of Lila's hands and cross them in front of her chest and compress, I get in her face and look her in the eyes (which she hates) and in a low voice tell her what I expect next, if she even looks like she is gonna go down the wrong road, I quickly do it again. 3rd time she is out. She and I will stay home, or No TV etc. Of course people say they just can imagine her doing that but they don't live in our house:)