Monday, December 31, 2007

Times of Sadness to times of Laughter

We overslept yesterday and missed going to church. In the end, it more than likely worked out for the best. My mom was sick and if we don't go to my mom's after church we have an awful time.....Payton's routine is messed up and she has an "off" day. After getting up and around we went outside so Payton could ride her bike and I could take Koen for a ride in the wagon (Bob was busy cutting down trees and limbs from the recent ice storm). As we were walking down the driveway our neighbor pulled in just to say hi and see how our Christmas was. They noticed Payton's bike and asked if it was a Christmas present (it was, but she didn't respond). I told them yes and asked the boys what they had gotten for Christmas. Sam was so excited and said he had gotten a fire station. Payton looks at him and shouts "ME TOO!" and then starts talking about her birthday cake. We all just laughed and joined in with her excitement about her birthday cake. The neighbors soon left, but Payton had them in her head so she ended up riding her bike down to their house. I think she would've hung out in their driveway all day, so I asked if she'd like to ask the boys to ride bikes with her. She quickly responded yes so we walked to the door and rang the doorbell. The boys saw her through the window and yelled "its Payton!". They opened the door and Payton walked right in and started taking her coat and hat off. I reminded Payton to ask them if they wanted to ride bikes outside but she just kept walking off to wander and investigate the home. Koen and I visited with their mom for a bit and then she asked if Payton would like to stay for a bit. I asked Payton and she didn't respond...but I figured she would like to stay and play for a while. I was a bit nervous though, it was the first time I'd left her at someone's home that wasn't family. About 30 minutes later, Michelle brought Payton home and said Payton just didn't seem to know what to do with herself. Which, I was so thankful they went ahead and brought her home - but unfortunately my decision to allow Payton to stay and play wrecked havoc on the rest of our day.

I'm not sure the reasoning, and I'm sure Heather could enlighten me because she has had so much experience with Caleb and the anxiety, but Payton seems to get almost violent when she gets anxious. Payton ran thru the door right when she got home and I stayed at the door to talk with Michelle for a couple of minutes. By the time I got back in the living room Payton had already given Koen a huge welp on his face and ended up sitting on the bed for a while. It went from that, to throwing the cat in the trash, to throwing our trash can (yes she is small, but mighty!) and having trash scattered everywhere, to hitting Bob with a wrench he'd been using to work on something in the house, to biting and kicking. Yesterday evening after she'd gone to bed and it was quiet, I realized I knew in my gut it was time for Payton to get on anxiety medicine. It's not fair for her to not be able to cope with the changes (or be terrified of snakes, baby elephants, drills, windshield wipers, clocks, and koen's medicine, etc.) and not be able to live a good quality life. It's disruptive not just for her life but for Bob, my and Koen's life as well. We see the geneticist on January 9th and I'm hopeful we have a good experience with a medication. It's strange as a mom how all of a sudden your gut instincts kick in and you just know.
Ofcourse, Payton gives us such joy she makes everything worthwhile. My mom was keeping the kids today because Bob and I both had to work and her sitter had taken the day off. Mom wanted to call me and check on me (she knew our day yesterday was tough) and she knew if she told Payton she was calling me that Payton would want to talk. Anyways, Payton asked my mom "what you doing?" and my mom said "I'm calling somebody". So, as my mom and I were talking Payton ran over and tried grabbing the phone. My mom asked her if she wanted to say hi and Payton obviously said yes (not realizing who was on the other end of the phone). Payton grabbed the phone and said "Hi Somebody!". My heart melted and I just busted out laughing. I guess since my mom told her she was calling somebody Payton thought that "somebody" was their name. Wow-laughter is good for the soul!


Heather said...

Gosh Tara, it's like I'm reading about Caleb. If I had a nickle for every home he's invaded! Wow! I'd be rich!! :)
I know that the decision is a tough one, but I know you will know what to do. I got your email today. Sorry I wasn't on the computer yesterday too much. Anyway hope I could be a little helpful.
Can you imagine Caleb and Payton together in the same room? Now that would be something to see!
I'm glad your Mom is so supportive. I have called my Mom so many times and just cried in the phone to her. I didn't even have to say anything. She just always knows and I always feel better after. good luck with everything. Hope this New Year brings Payton, you and Bob some peace of mind and happiness!

Julie said...

I am glad you seem at peace with your decision. I hope you get results. If it makes you feel any better my daughter Amber, who is now 22, used to invade peoples houses all the time. She does not have any syndrome, she was just very bold and a tad obnoxious. :) Here is wishing us all a better 2008.

Penny said...

Hi Tara,

FYI - Keith always does this when he gets anxious, so I think it's "normal" for our kids when they get anxious to get semi-violent. I can't tell you how many times Keith has slaaped Kaitlyn in the face or thrown things during an anxiety meltdown. Just keep in mind that even with the medicine, there may still be rough days, but it really does take the major edge off. Keith is such a different little boy now.

Anytime you would like to talk or email me, feel free.

Teresa & Shawn said...

I love your description of Payton on her bike. Clare loves her little Princess tricycle!

I am not looking forward to the anxiety issues. You are a strong, strong woman, Tara!!

Every minute counts.... said...

I am glad that you are feeling more confortable with the decision to put her on meds. It is something that would be a hard, hard one to make..but it should make all of your lives more enjoyable. Wishing you the best New Year!