Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Peace


Bob's parents came down this weekend and we were so thankful they were able to. Bob and his dad went to the drive-in and watched Indiana Jones while Wanda and I stayed home and played with the kids. Koen was running his 102 fever again, but seems to be feeling better. He must just have some bug going around - or it could be his teeth. Who knows, but he's content if someone is loving on him and holding him so I can't complain. He was having a rough night Friday night so he ended up sleeping with his grandma Wanda. I was thrilled he got to spend time with her - even if it was sleeping - because we just don't get to see them as often as we'd like.

Friday on our lunch hours, Bob and I went to the cemetary to decorate Kayden's grave. Time goes by so quickly, it doesn't seem like it's been four years since we lost him. It's amazing how things shape and mold you in life. I just hope this little guy knows how much he was already loved! :)


We finally got Payton to sleep about 1am this morning (melatonin obviously didn't do it's job last night!). Sleep has been few and far between lately, but I am assuming she's on her 2-week kick and will get back to sleeping her usual (which isn't saying much) soon. She was be-bopping around this morning like she'd slept for 24 hours straight, so it doesn't seem to be phasing her a bit. She never ceases to amaze me.

I just finished reading the new book that came out "Another Day, Another Challenge" a biography about a child with williams syndrome. I thoroughly enjoyed the first half of the book and could relate to so much of it. My favorite was the tearing and shredding of paper. Just this weekend we were getting ready to show our house and I had just vacuumed. Sure enough, as I was in the other room, Payton grabbed some notebooks out of her desk and just tore them to pieces. It seemed as though this child really didn't outgrow the need for tearing paper, so I guess I won't be shocked if Payton is still tearing at 13 years old. For some reason, it almost relaxes you when you realize your child isn't the only one with fears and obsessions (that they think about so much they even talk about it in their sleep!). I know it's all anxiety and I appreciated that the author thought it was one of the most debilitating aspects of the syndrome. I agree - and never realized what anxiety could do to an individual. I will say, however, that it wasn't the feel good story of the year. I was hoping maybe for a good, cushy feeling when I completed the book and instead found myself laying next to my daughter as she sleep, praying for her and our family. I know everyone's story is different and every outcome is different but more than anything I think I learned that I need to make sure and fight for Payton and make sure she's getting the care she needs. I do still plan on passing the book onto my mother-in-law for her to read (my mom purchased one for herself and plans on passing it around on my side of the family). I think any knowledge any of us can receive-whether it's on another individual's experience or medical expertise-will only help us understand and help Payton more.

8 comments:

Heather said...

tara, I can't imagine how hard it must be to visit the cemetary. You both are so strong. I'm sure Kaydens spirit smiles down on you and your family and knows that he was loved.
I don't think I will be reading that book. I don't need to feel that way more than I already do. Both you and Nancy had the same take on it. I'm just going to take your word for it. :) great pictures of Payton, little cutie

Michelle said...

I just love that last picture of Payton - so beautiful!

Every minute counts.... said...

It really must be so hard to miss Kayden so much. I am sure that he is watching over all of you along with your other angel. One day...

I love to see pictures of your kids. They are so cute. I am sure that Hannah will have to snuggle up on both your kids when we get together. She LOVES all the attention from the little ones.
Can't wait to see you again and give you a big hug in person! It has been so long.
Noel

Julie said...

My heart goes out to you. I know how much Scott misses Ethan each and every day. Someday you will all be together. I don't think I will read that book either. Maybe I am in denial but we aren't having any issues yet and it will just scare me. Is that awful? I know we are so lucky. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe then I will read it. I love that last picture of Payton. It is stunning.

Amy said...

Oh Tara, sounds like a bittersweet weekend. Perhaps Kayden is your family's angel, watching over you and keeping you all safe? WONDERFUL pic of Payton.
xoxo
Amy

Nancy said...

It must be just awful losing someone you love so much. Big hugs.

Sounds like we both feel the same way about the book. Did she seem angry, or was it just me? Oh well.

Beautiful photos of Payton.

Laura said...

I just started reading that book.

Love the pictures of Payton, she's just beautiful.

Mandi Miller said...

What a weekend! I can not believe it's been 4 years since the passing of Kayden! It does not seem like that long ago! WHat a blessing you have in your family now! Koen is so sweet and Payton is a doll! I love her little smile!

What's this....showing your house? Are you moving?