Lately I've felt like I have a five year old who is stuck in a two year old's body. She has been oh so emotional. Bob and I feel like she is just feeding off of Koen not feeling well (it's just ear infections and asthma, but he does get quite fussy) and it has really turned her end over end. She hates the nebulizer (too noisy) and really doesn't tolerate his 'needing' us. When I'm around other children her age, it's the maturity that gets me. There is a huge difference between her and them. Every night this week has just been crying and crying and crying. My mom is always very encouraging and frequently reminds me that God will get us through this, but it's weeks like this that really bring me to my knees and make me think. It's tough now, and she's just five years old. What will I do when she's twenty and her maturity is around age eight? Seriously, those with older children, how do you handle this?
I always feel like I am being judged for the way she behaves and I really struggle with it. She is so impulsive (typical ws) and really can't seem to stop herself. She knows better - but just can't stop herself. For instance, the other day I took five minutes to start a load of laundry, the next thing I know, my living room is covered with silverware and toilet paper is torn to pieces in the floor. She knows better. I'm sure many would not believe this, but Koen has already passed her in this aspect.
To be honest, I'm tired and sad. I want Payton to be able to 'handle' things and be able to control herself. I know every parent worries about their child's future, but for Payton, I really do. I can't do anything about it, so I don't know why I'm so worried about it. But I think I'm scared for all four of us in the family. It really is going to be tough to see your adult grown child in front of you that really is only developmentally/emotionally a child.