Monday, June 15, 2009

Kind of Blah

I don't know what is wrong with me, but I have been in a funk lately. I have been trying to 'go' a bit more with Payton. For instance, last week I decided I would take the kids to walmart with me. Bob had some much needed yard work to get done and I thought it would give him the opportunity to get it done without little hands trying to help. I still can't figure out why I can not take my child to walmart. I was humiliated - and still when I think about it I get really sick to my stomach. Note to self: Avoid the vaccuum cleaner aisle when with Payton at walmart. We were in the vaccuum aisle for over 20 minutes and when it was time to go - woah. I had a cart full of stuff and she screamed at the top of her lungs for a good ten minutes while I endured the awful glances of the other shoppers. Everytime I placed an item on the table to be checked out she would scream "NO! That's mine!" I still can't believe how ridiculous it was. That's when I feel I need a sign for she and I both to wear on our backs. Just be patient, she's special. Sadly, she and I both walked to the car in tears. (Koen didn't though - yeah!)

This past weekend we went to see Dora Live! Payton loved it - she watched it the entire time with her fingers in her ears (it was noisy!) but she LOVED every second of it. Intermission was tough on her - she cried/screamed thru the whole thing because she thought Dora had left for good. After that, I was concerned about the end of the show, but she did okay with the fact that Dora was off the stage and gone. Leaving the theater was a whole other story. Now that Payton's five and a half years old, it's tough dragging her out of places. She is one strong little girl and even at the zoo it's embarassing to try and carry (or drag) a thirty pound, long legged little girl out.

I feel numb and quite emotional at times. I love Payton so much and she literally brings such happiness and joy to our family but I am so ready for her to show some type of change in the area of meltdown and temper tantrums. I wish so badly she could handle change. Someone with older kiddos chime in she ever going to realize this behavior is completely inappropriate? Or does she already understand it but just can not control the behavior. She has us stumped....and again, flabbergasted because it is so obvious Koen 'gets it' when he is in trouble. I really want to be able to take her places and not be scared of how she's going to react.


Heather said...

Tara, first I want you to know that I completely relate to this. Sincerely. We have been there. Oh boy have we been there. It seems to me that there are so many variations among the kiddo's with WS. Some grow out of this early and with some it seems to linger.. (us) I have hope from meeting teenagers and adults with WS, that this too shall pass. That is what my husband always tells me. This too shall pass. Somedays it feels closer than others, but eventually I believe it will happen. For now just hang in there best you know how and know that you are not alone in your feelings and frustrations. hugs to you and Payton both.


Nancy said...

I hope that there will be change soon. It is very difficult to hang in there not knowing when it will come.

We love you. -- Nancy & Erik

Michelle said...

We too have been through similar situations...last summer was the absolute worst....I remember just wanting to scream and getting soo frustrated and staying out of places for a long time but it did pass...I had to get real tough on her....walking away and saying things like "let me know when your done crying" and giving her punishments alone in her room with her door shut (this is the absolute worse thing in the world to Ari..a time out a lone in her room) I also notice these types of flare ups in line with mental growth spurts....not sure if any of that helps but just know you not alone.

Noel said...

I agree it is hard but they will understand at some point. Abi still hates Walmart but she tolerates it. I give her a list of a couple of things and she helps me mark them off so she knows when we are done. I make sure there is something on the end of the list that she likes( apples, beef jerky, pop) and then she ends on a happy note. Believe me it took awhile to get that far but it does help her to know that there is an end and what happens in the end.
I am glad she loved the Dora live show though. That is great!

Guanogirl said...

I totally understand. For me Aiden is still a "baby" so I can get away with carrying him out of places crying. I just politely say "he didn't nap today". I am always wondering if it is Aiden or a WS thing. The past few weeks have been increasingly hard. Big hug from one mom who understands.