Tuesday, July 15, 2008


There's really not any way to describe our weekend other than E-MO-TIO-NAL. Whew! I really can't say much because the past few weeks have gone very very well for Payton, but wowzers, something snapped and she has fallen to pieces. I was home with the kids yesterday and was hoping to see a difference in her, but not yet. We are definitely going to keep it low-key this week. Koen and I both have huge bite marks from the battle yesterday - and man that hurts. It had been a long time since she'd bit me and hopefully it was the last. After church on Sunday, we had gone to my mom's (like usual) and when it was time to say goodbye Payton was banging on the car window and screaming. I really feel like she believes once she says goodbye, it's forever. I wish I knew how to make her realize she will see them again. She basically left everyone at mom's house in tears because they couldn't believe what an awful time she was having just leaving in the car. I guess that's how much she loves everyone. Her emotions run deep for people. If only everyone in the world had that much love in them.

Ofcourse after an emotional weekend for Payton, Bob and I are both feeling run down and emotional. There are still days where I wonder what life would be like if everything would've been okay with Payton. What would my marriage be like? How many children would we have had? What trips would we have taken? What activities would we go to? None of that really matters, but I do sometimes wonder......just because everything changed. In the end, we're stronger, but I think I will always 'wish' for Payton-and our family-for her to be made whole. It sure is a lot of heartache watching your child struggle. At times things feel like their getting better and then we hit a bump like we did this weekend and it's hard to get out of bed in the morning.

We did get good news this weekend. We've had a family looking at our house to buy and we are getting ready to sign the contract and trade houses with them. For now, it was just too much to take care of. We are looking forward to downsizing and simplifying things. Bob is looking forward to having a much smaller yard to take care of :) They're wanting to get moved in before school starts, so in mid-August we'll probably be moving. We all know how much Payton loves to go through things. Something tells me that every box I pack will get unpacked atleast twice before the move.....guess we'll be buying lots of tape! :)


Heather said...

Tara, sorry about the weekend you had. SOunds terrible.
Caleb has always had a hard time leaving. He met a little girl with WS in KY last summer and the two of them saying goodbye was heartbreaking. They were hugging tight, and both crying and saying 'I'll never forget you" and "you were my best friend ever" So bittersweet.
They really do have hearts of gold, just don't always know how to show it. That is great about the house. Very exciting!
much love, Heather

Katie said...

Sorry to hear you have had such rough week with Payton, great to hear about the house though!

Every minute counts.... said...

Sorry to hear you had such a rough weekend. Now we need to get together for both of our sakes.:)
I am really glad that you were able to sell your house and trade for another one. I wish we could work out something like that...I want to move out in the country something horrible!!
Hope that things settle down at your house too.

Julie said...

Sorry you are having a bad time. Noah has started having meltdowns when we leave. He is fine till we put him in the car seat. Then he arches his back and screams and twists and well you get the picture. Boy is he strong for a little guy. Daddy even has a tough time getting him strapped in. Hopefully this is just part of terrible 2's. Great news about your house.

Amy said...

Yay for good news. Avery loves the number 9! And again thanks for all the updates, the good days and the bad. I learn so much from your experiences...plus this new info from Payton's dr. pretty much clinches for me that Avery is adhd.

Michelle said...

I'm sorry to hear Payton had such a rough week!

Good luck with the house trading :)