Emotions

There's really not any way to describe our weekend other than E-MO-TIO-NAL. Whew! I really can't say much because the past few weeks have gone very very well for Payton, but wowzers, something snapped and she has fallen to pieces. I was home with the kids yesterday and was hoping to see a difference in her, but not yet. We are definitely going to keep it low-key this week. Koen and I both have huge bite marks from the battle yesterday - and man that hurts. It had been a long time since she'd bit me and hopefully it was the last. After church on Sunday, we had gone to my mom's (like usual) and when it was time to say goodbye Payton was banging on the car window and screaming. I really feel like she believes once she says goodbye, it's forever. I wish I knew how to make her realize she will see them again. She basically left everyone at mom's house in tears because they couldn't believe what an awful time she was having just leaving in the car. I guess that's how much she loves everyone. Her emotions run deep for people. If only everyone in the world had that much love in them.

Ofcourse after an emotional weekend for Payton, Bob and I are both feeling run down and emotional. There are still days where I wonder what life would be like if everything would've been okay with Payton. What would my marriage be like? How many children would we have had? What trips would we have taken? What activities would we go to? None of that really matters, but I do sometimes wonder......just because everything changed. In the end, we're stronger, but I think I will always 'wish' for Payton-and our family-for her to be made whole. It sure is a lot of heartache watching your child struggle. At times things feel like their getting better and then we hit a bump like we did this weekend and it's hard to get out of bed in the morning.

We did get good news this weekend. We've had a family looking at our house to buy and we are getting ready to sign the contract and trade houses with them. For now, it was just too much to take care of. We are looking forward to downsizing and simplifying things. Bob is looking forward to having a much smaller yard to take care of :) They're wanting to get moved in before school starts, so in mid-August we'll probably be moving. We all know how much Payton loves to go through things. Something tells me that every box I pack will get unpacked atleast twice before the move.....guess we'll be buying lots of tape! :)