Thursday, July 31, 2008

This week my sitter is on vacation so we've been taking turns being off with the kids. It's been a trying week for Payton - her routine is different - but she absolutely loves being at home all day. She has been extremely emotional and aggressive, but in between those times she amazes me. For instance at lunch today our conversation went like this:

Payton: Mommy, you're my friend.
Me: Payton, you're my friend, too.
Payton: Mommy, you just melt my heart.

Oh, if she only knew what she did to my heart. Her smile melts my heart. Actually, everything about her melts my heart. However, watching her aggression, anxiety, and emotion brings me to my knees. My sister was at the house yesterday when Payton lost it. She called me later and was saying how she couldn't stop thinking about Koen. How sad it is that right now he is too young to understand that Payton struggles in areas (when she gets emotional and angry, she screams at the top of her lungs and unfortunately unleashes terror on him and me - or anyone within arm's length). Anyways, she said some day he will know how much she loves him. And, he will. I feel so blessed to have a little boy like Koen. The road has been completely different with him and it's wonderful getting to experience it. I don't think I could ever kiss those chubby little cheeks enough.


Penny said...

We had the very same day yesterday (minus Koen obviously). I came home early due to not feeling well and he is home all summer with my Autn Patty. While he LOVED having me home, it completely through him for a loop. He went into complete meltdown mode. Patty couldn't believe it. Keith used to NEVER have this need fpr sameness and now I see more and more his need for routine. This is all new to us. He has always had the anxiety, but has never had the need for routines and "rituals" so to speak.

I so feel your pain. No one else understands it. It is so hard for anyone to understand how he could be so happy to see me yesterday, yet completely melt down at the same time. I truly feel like you and Kelly (Tyler's mom) are the only two that really "get" the anxiety part. I don't think any of the other kids experience it(thank goodness for them). No one at the WS gathering this weekend has Autism and only one other had ADD. I really felt like a fish out of water.

I know Keith has WS, but the Autism is just screaming out of him right now.

Sorry about the long post......guess I just felt a connection tonight.

Julie said...

What a little sweetie. It saddens me to hear when you and some of the mothers are going through this stuff. I am glad that you can be there for each other. I speak for myself when I say that Penny is right I can't understand what you guys go through. I can try, but I am not living it. I do know that I have spoke in the past about how aggressive and abusive Amber was as a teen. Lexi was terrified of her but it hasn't hurt there relationship today. In fact Lexi idolizes her. My point is your sister is right, he will put it all together some day and realize she loves him.